Part 1: 

We knew each other since before we were teenagers. He had always wanted me. I remember the very FIRST time he ever revealed that to me. He said something flirtatious and I laughed it off because I NEVER looked at him in that way. He had always been just a friend, one of the guys, my “Homie.”

As we got older he was always still around. We were close, he mentored me in some ways. I admired and respected him. He looked out for me. He dated A LOT of different girls and I made it a point to befriend most of them. We hung out so closely that there was basically no avoiding this, and it usually made them more comfortable. Perhaps I knew if I was friends with “His Girl(s)” he wouldn’t act on his feelings towards me. Perhaps I didn’t think twice about that because his feelings towards me were always just a joke in my mind. Regardless, I’d help him run game and cover up his lies at times, yet I’d always let him know how disgusting I thought he was treating these chicks. I’d never “out” him but occasionally I’d tell the chicks to be careful or “don’t fall too hard.”

I also was involved with someone. One person who I was head over heels for yet was never good for me. He voiced his concern at times but mostly my “friend” respected my decisions and kept his distance when it came to my love life. For a while, I honestly forgot that he wanted me….although deep down I always still knew.

Then, after nearly 10 years, he started dropping hints again. Perhaps he felt it was “good timing”; this was the first time in the last 8 years that we had both been single at the same time. Even still, I didn’t even considered it. I would laugh off his gestures or comments as if they were a joke, even though I knew he was serious. When my girlfriends questioned me about him I swore I “NEVER” would. Then came that drunken night in the club…..

I was visiting my Hometown. He still lived there and I had been gone for years. I barely knew anyone there, didn’t know where to go for a drink or where everyone hung out. He invited me to a party he was hosting. He showed me love all night. Made sure my girlfriends and I had everything we wanted. Maybe I was being naive, perhaps I was ignoring his flirting, but I thought he was just being a good friend. His “other” intentions didn’t seem so obvious, he wasn’t all over me, he seemed to be doing his own thing while making sure I had a good time. When it got late I went over to thank him for everything and let him know my friends and I would be heading back to our room soon. I was faded but not overly drunk by any means. I went back to my friends as we finished our drinks and got ready to leave, but before we left the building I got a text from him. It simply said “Just one time.”

I laughed out loud when I read it. I showed it to my girlfriends as I rolled my eyes. I replied “One time what?” I would NEVER even consider what he was saying. It was commical to me. As we were exiting the building he was standing at the door to see us all out. The music from the club was still so loud he didn’t even try to wish us a good night, he just held the door and sort of gestured goodbye. I was the last one to walk out the door, the last one to walk past him. He didn’t say anything. He just grinned. And for about 8.5 seconds our eyes locked…..I don’t know what happened, but in that moment all those YEARS of NEVERS turned into a “Damn, could I?”

To be continued……….