Part 2:

I left the club confused as Hell. Why am I actually considering going home with him? Better yet, why do I WANT to? I couldn’t seem to snap out of it. Was it because I was drunk? Had the sexual tension just reached a boiling point? The fact that I was back in my hometown definitely had something to do with it. This was somewhere that I had been gone from, physically and emotionally, for so long that it felt more like a dream state than my real life.

I tried to make myself reconsider. Took time to make sure this was what I really wanted to do it. Was I really feeling this way towards HIM? I went to Waffle House with my girlfriends. We laughed about what had happened, they joked about the fact he still seemed to think he had a chance with me. I didn’t share with them what I was seriously considering. I felt slightly embarrassed I may end up eating my words if all those “NEVERS” turned into a “Well, just this once.”

I texted him “I’m sharing a room with my girl. You still live alone?” He was infamous for having a live in girlfriend. That would be all I needed to hear to end this entire fantasy. “You can come here, I live alone and I am single.” Was his reply. God he knows me all too well! Driving back to our hotel I text him again “If I come to you I’m staying the night.” Trying to find any reason why the plan I was plotting wouldn’t work; and besides I’m not doing a Walk of Shame coming back to the hotel in the wee hours of the morning. He text back immediately, “That’s cool.” I pull up to the hotel to drop everyone off and text him one last time “Send me your address.” In my mind I’m thinking maybe it will be too far and I just won’t feel like making the drive. He sends the address, I GPS it; .02 Miles from our hotel. It’s around the corner, I could literally walk. That’s it, I’m doing this.

I leave my friends at the room and go straight to his apartment complex. I call him and say “I’m outside.” His voice is raspy, “Come on.” He had left the door open slightly. He’s sitting on the couch in the dark smoking a blunt. I walk in and sit down next to him. He passes it to me. All the thoughts that had been racing through my mind the last couple of hours as to whether or not I should go through with this were dead. I had made up my mind before I even walked inside. I was calm, comfortable even. We are both grown, we know what I’m here for. That’s when I transformed 100% into Barbee. That was natural for me as I had fully adapted my alter ego into my life years prior. He didn’t know Barbee though. He knew the sweet and innocent little girl from high school. Well, maybe she wasn’t innocent but she was a lot more reserved and naive than Barbee. I could tell my boldness shocked him a bit. The way I got straight to it and rubbed my hand across the crotch of his jeans. I started tugging at his belt for him to undress. He whispered “Damn, you got me a little nervous.” I couldn’t hold back my laughter. HIM nervous? He was a player, a heartbreaker, arguably the most popular guy in the small town we grew up in. I’d seen all the girls that came in and out of his life. I knew how he moved from one to the other like it was nothing. We had talked about sexual encounters and fantasies we had fulfilled in our past. I mean, we were close friends throughout the 13 years we had known each other. I knew damn near everything about him. Him being nervous in the midst of a drunken booty call was not something I had ever pictured. “Why you nervous?” I grinned, “I’m here now.” He looked me in the eyes, “Because it’s YOU.”

That set me off. Kicked my confidence up even more. Now I’m feeling cocky, now I’m trying to show you Barbee for real. “We going to the back?” He got up and led me to the bedroom…….

*To Be Continued*

Part 1: 

We knew each other since before we were teenagers. He had always wanted me. I remember the very FIRST time he ever revealed that to me. He said something flirtatious and I laughed it off because I NEVER looked at him in that way. He had always been just a friend, one of the guys, my “Homie.”

As we got older he was always still around. We were close, he mentored me in some ways. I admired and respected him. He looked out for me. He dated A LOT of different girls and I made it a point to befriend most of them. We hung out so closely that there was basically no avoiding this, and it usually made them more comfortable. Perhaps I knew if I was friends with “His Girl(s)” he wouldn’t act on his feelings towards me. Perhaps I didn’t think twice about that because his feelings towards me were always just a joke in my mind. Regardless, I’d help him run game and cover up his lies at times, yet I’d always let him know how disgusting I thought he was treating these chicks. I’d never “out” him but occasionally I’d tell the chicks to be careful or “don’t fall too hard.”

I also was involved with someone. One person who I was head over heels for yet was never good for me. He voiced his concern at times but mostly my “friend” respected my decisions and kept his distance when it came to my love life. For a while, I honestly forgot that he wanted me….although deep down I always still knew.

Then, after nearly 10 years, he started dropping hints again. Perhaps he felt it was “good timing”; this was the first time in the last 8 years that we had both been single at the same time. Even still, I didn’t even considered it. I would laugh off his gestures or comments as if they were a joke, even though I knew he was serious. When my girlfriends questioned me about him I swore I “NEVER” would. Then came that drunken night in the club…..

I was visiting my Hometown. He still lived there and I had been gone for years. I barely knew anyone there, didn’t know where to go for a drink or where everyone hung out. He invited me to a party he was hosting. He showed me love all night. Made sure my girlfriends and I had everything we wanted. Maybe I was being naive, perhaps I was ignoring his flirting, but I thought he was just being a good friend. His “other” intentions didn’t seem so obvious, he wasn’t all over me, he seemed to be doing his own thing while making sure I had a good time. When it got late I went over to thank him for everything and let him know my friends and I would be heading back to our room soon. I was faded but not overly drunk by any means. I went back to my friends as we finished our drinks and got ready to leave, but before we left the building I got a text from him. It simply said “Just one time.”

I laughed out loud when I read it. I showed it to my girlfriends as I rolled my eyes. I replied “One time what?” I would NEVER even consider what he was saying. It was commical to me. As we were exiting the building he was standing at the door to see us all out. The music from the club was still so loud he didn’t even try to wish us a good night, he just held the door and sort of gestured goodbye. I was the last one to walk out the door, the last one to walk past him. He didn’t say anything. He just grinned. And for about 8.5 seconds our eyes locked…..I don’t know what happened, but in that moment all those YEARS of NEVERS turned into a “Damn, could I?”

To be continued……….